I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
