he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She swung at the pinata with crutches
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
