ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
