It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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