Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
