Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
