What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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