I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
