Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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