wat bout pragnant strippers??
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
