If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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