He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we made out on top of his cat.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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