I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
