Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
