Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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