I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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