I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
