Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize