Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
