They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
