May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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