Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
