If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
