she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
