If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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