Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
