Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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