i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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