I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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