the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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