Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Randomize
