my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
