i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I could make wine with my vomit
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
high people should be assigned attendants
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
