Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
