Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
