The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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