Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
