My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
