dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
