I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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