Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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