My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It was confusing and full of hummus
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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