Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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