The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize