I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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