Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
