I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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