Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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