your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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