maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
