just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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