I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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