Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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