Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
