Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
