Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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