just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
