I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
