found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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