That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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