before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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