My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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