you guys were way drunker than both of me
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
