I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
