rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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