I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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