sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
