as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
