She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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