my soul wont recognize me after tonight
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
